Drinking: The solution to relationship problems?

Your "drunk-self" may know what is best for you.

Your “drunk-self” may know what is best for you.

There is the classic quote, “drunken words, sober thoughts.” I’m still not entirely sure if this holds true. What I do know is that sometimes our drunken words are stronger than our sober actions. Let me tell you the story of my friend Clare, and her frien-emy, drunk Clare.

Friday night – approximately 12:40 am.

The last thing Clare remembered was ordering one more Dark ‘N’ Stormy, National’s adored ginger beer/rum cocktail.

Now cut to Saturday night. 10:30 pm. Same place.

Clare bumps into Trey, the boy she’s been “seeing” for lack of a better word…

“Hey Trey! You need to find a new watering hole.”

This is the same bar where Clare and Trey had met. That night was many weeks ago – when Clare and I were approached by a complete asshole that turned out to be one of Trey’s best friends.

This guy was outrageous. I’m talking top five biggest jerks I’ve ever met. His arrogance forced us to bring out our inner liars as a source of protection. We quickly thought of alias names and alternative life stories. It was loud, so I pretended to share the same fake British accent as Clare. We were writers doing research for a trendy magazine based out of London.

Conveniently, we were “only here for one night.”

Sure you can buy us drinks. Dick.

Unlike his friend, Trey was actually quite sweet so later on in the evening Clare found him.

“Everything I told you back there was a complete lie.”

Thus, begins Trey and Clare’s almost-love story.

Back to Saturday night 10:30pm.

They run into each other and Clare is acting cool and normal. What she doesn’t realize is that this isn’t the first time she’s bumped into Trey in the last 24 hours.

Something had happened shortly after the last blurry Dark ‘N’ Stormy on Friday night.

“Clare. You dumped me last night.”


This was as much of a shock to her as it had been for Trey the night before.

According to him, they actually went as far as going home together when abruptly Clare declared that it was over and kicked him out.

Upon reflection, impulsive rum-induced Clare might have been on to something.

Trey had a few red flags. She remembered that there was an ex girlfriend still sending him text messages, and as a bonus, he kept saying every girl’s favorite line; “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”

Dark ‘N’ Stormy Clare was smart. Get out.

Ladies, tip. What does it mean when they say that? It literally means they don’t want to be in a relationship right now. Don’t stick around to find out if they’re just kidding.

So, sober Clare got all mushy on us and continued to hang out with Trey. Because maybe he’d change his mind right?

…Don’t judge, you’ve all been there.

This caused me wonder how often we should listen to our rum-induced brains.

 I’m not saying we should need a glass of red every time we make a decision, and yes, there’s plenty of mornings we wake up regretting whatever that last glass triggered us to do, but Clare’s tale of dumping the guy you’re seeing and not remembering it the next daymight have a life lesson tied into it.

After a few glasses of the truth serum of your choice, out come your honest feelings and deepest desires. Whether it’s embarrassing, hurtful, or makes you way too vulnerable, there it is. No more inhibitions or pretending.

“I like you.”

“I want to go home with you.”

“I hate you.”

“It’s over.”

Or the worst, “I miss you.”

The night they met, drunk Clare had even saved Trey in her phone as “Trey He’s A Banker Avoid Him.” Further evidence that drunk Clare had her wits about her.

It was the sober version of herself that decided to give him a chance, and then another, and another.

He still doesn’t want to be in a relationship. She still likes Dark ‘N’ Stormy’s on Friday nights. The only problem is that there’s been so much sober passive aggressivenes and pretending  that the whole situation has become quite exhausting for my dear friend.

I bet if I forced them to sit down with a couple of drinks and figure their shit out before they were allowed to leave, they’d at least be a little more honest with one another.

Why? Because when we’re a few drinks deep we rightly or wrongly say screw it to dating rules. Or any rules at all. It becomes okay to dance on a table, tell your friends and strangers you love them, and buy two boxes of Kraft Dinner on the way home when you know one is enough. And more importantly, you say what you’re really thinking.

“I like you”

“You’re an asshole and I deserve better.”

“Yes I would like another slice of pizza thank you.”

Isn’t that how it should be? I don’t mean we should be buzzed all day long. The aftermath of Stampede is proof of that. We also probably shouldn’t drink so many Dark ‘N’ Stormy’s that the night literally goes black.

I just think that a little more courage and honesty could go a long way.

Bottoms up!

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