Written by: Katie Tetz

TINDER: IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I’m kind of a yes person so I’m not half bad at getting other people to say yes to things they don’t really want to do, like say, download Tinder.

I had decided that 2015 would be a Tinder-free year. So why would I swear it off but still convince my girlfriends that it’s worth a shot? Let me tell you.

Why I Love Tinder:

One could say that this app has failed me, but I choose to see the silver lining in everything. For starters, I received an overwhelming amount of blog material from my experiences. I also met a handful of guys that I actually liked which was a big deal because my mother was starting to say, “What’s wrong with you? You don’t like ANYONE.”

It’s the easiest quickest most ridiculous way to start dating again.

Here are my statistics:

From October 2013 to present I have met 10 different men from Tinder.

* I dated 50% of them. Dated meaning I hung out with them for at least a month.

* 8/10 were nice human beings for the most part.

* 2/10 probably just wanted sex.

* 2/10 were fucking crazy.

One made that clear right away. See here.

The other only recently made me aware that I probably dodged a bullet. Sidenote: I don’t like the term “crazy” and I only use it on the most deserving of people. It makes me mad when men refer to other women as ‘crazy’. Just because she has EMOTIONS and probably drunk dialed you a few times after you broke her heart doesn’t mean she’s mental. It just means she’s human and has feelings. Also, it pisses me off how men’s exes are either classified as “crazy” or “sluts”. Grow up, or at least add a few more words to your vocabulary.

* 2/10 were really nice guys they just made me yawn and I couldn’t wait to go home and tidy my bedroom. That’s how little chemistry there was.

Those aren’t bad odds!

Remember that time I got stood up by the guy I was seeing and then got angry and drunk and impulsively downloaded eHarmony? Not my proudest moment. I’ll one day tell my children [probably fur babies] that all of these questionable decisions were for research purposes only.

Anyways I found something interesting: I’d say at least half of the guys that I matched with on eHarmony I also came across on Tinder. Proof that this shallow app isn’t just full of shallow people. If someone is willing to pay for online dating and take the time to fill out that ridiculously long survey, they’re serious about finding love. They’re like farmer Chris on the Bachelor kind of serious.

Reasons Why I Hate Tinder:

1. The whole idea of it is absurd. And it gives those promiscuous assholes easy access to nice girls like my friends who just want a free way to start meeting people and date again.

2. I always feel terrible about myself when I’ve wasted 45 minutes of my morning swiping right or left and judging men on their looks and/or grammar.

3. When I’m older and still madly in love with my man and we’re both still super hot and someone asks, “How did you two meet?” I REALLY don’t want to say “Tinder.”

In my blog a little while ago I had proudly stated that 2015 was going to be a tinder-free year.

Less than two weeks in I had failed.

Last Sunday afternoon I was hungover and bored and redownloaded it for the 11th time. Surprisingly, right away I matched with this hilarious 6’3 ginger who I’m actually excited to meet.

Even if you meet someone in “real life” you take a chance. They could be your future boyfriend. They could be your future ex boyfriend. You could end up hating them. Personally, I always look at it like this: Either this is going to be awesome or I’ll have another story to write about.

I’m going to leave you with three of my most fond memories brought to you by Tinder.

1. I’m sitting across from Bachelor #9. We hung out a couple more times after I sent him my skillfully crafted “I don’t see this going any further for me” text. We were chatting and I told him that he had spoiled me when we were dating. He argues that he didn’t. “I just brought you food all of the time.”

I playfully responded, “Oh ___, you know the way to my heart.”

Head hanging he says, “Obviously I don’t Katie.”

[awwwwww]

2. Why Bachelor #8 became part of my 2/10 crazy statistic:

This sums up our communication post dating:

“Come over.” No. “Wanna bang?” No. “Wanna get naked?” Sure, I’ve had a stressful morning. “Come over.” No. “I hate you.” “Come over.” No. “I want a girlfriend in 2015.” Stop booty calling me then. “Nice knowing ya.” “Come over.” No. “I’m done with you.” “Come over.” No. “You offer nothing.” I feel like coming over this time. “No-delete my number”. FINE.

Can you just make up your mind please?

3. And 1st place still goes to Bachelor #3 who invited me to go camping with his friends, never showed up to get me, and thought it was appropriate to text me 4 months later to see if I wanted to grab coffee or a glass of wine.

Happy swiping. May the odds be ever in your favour.