Written By: Adam Culligan
Gender roles are shifting and the responsibility of who approaches who is one of the hotly contended issues out there. We all want equality, all the time…with exception to who should approach who first in a social setting. Ladies are often still very comfortable with waiting for ‘him’ or the other ‘her’ to approach first. Why? It’s got zero to do with chivalry and EVERYTHING to do with confidence. It’s hard to ask someone if you can buy them a drink. So let me help you balance the odds.
First, Let’s get clear on what a dude actually is. Or rather, what he is not. A dude is not the guy at the corner table with all his ‘bros’ buying jäger shots because it’s cool.
He’s not the guy who is telling you how much he knows about this bar/cocktail and how he knows the bartender and then jumps the line because of it.
He’s definitely not the guy who is looking directly at your body in the middle of a conversation…he sneaks his glances when you’re not looking.
A dude is in fact sitting at a table with his friends. These may be guys OR girls, and they are all likely laughing and having a good time without disrespecting others.
He is drinking (or not) as a means of getting together and not getting wasted.
He is definitely interested in buying you a drink and definitely wants to show you some knowledge or culture, but will do so by listening to you and waiting his turn respectfully.
A dude has class. So be classy.
So with definition out of the way, here is how to succeed with a ‘dude’.
Be smart first, sexy second
If you’re considering opening up enough to ask a guy out, chances are high that you are already pretty confident. If you aren’t, dammit you should be. You’re gorgeous. So let’s put the make up brush down and start being ourselves. You’re smart. You’re well read, you follow global trends and more to the point, you know what you don’t know. That in itself is smart. So when you walk up to your potential next date, bring some wit to the conversation. Make some intelligent observations about the immediate surroundings to show you appreciate more than the low light and cheap drinks. He will notice and realize with only a few more questions how smart you are and be intrigued.
(Note: if he’s not a dude, he will be confused as to how you noticed the interesting book titles on the shelves and make some mention of his truck)
There are a million and one ways to be sexy these days but increasingly, intelligence is becoming number one…for dudes.
Get a little educated on some ‘guy stuff’
I know you don’t want to stay up every night watching Sportscentre or hashing out who will win the Connor McDavid sweep stakes (google it), but knowing just a little bit about sports or cars or beards gives confidence that there may be mutual interests, even if you’re only feigning.
So don’t flip the channel as soon as the ‘Sports News’ comes on, take 5 minutes and catch the highlights. Have an opinion about your favorite car. Or even have an opinion about men’s fashion. If the Flames won last night in overtime and you happen to know it was Monahan that got the goal, it will show him that you are willing to share your interests and open up the chance for him to do the same.
Compliment him! Tell him you noticed him when he walked in
We may walk around like idiots who think we’re all handsome as hell, but frankly ladies, we want to hear it just as much as you do. If you noticed his tailored jacket the minute he walked in, ask him where he got it. If you LOVE his finely trimmed mustache, ask him how long it took to grow it. If he looks super fit, ask him what he does to stay in shape. All questions designed to increase his interest in you and most likely, garner some compliments of your own. It can be difficult to compliment a woman these days without being ‘creepy’ or ‘flirty’ so open the door and he’ll walk right through.
Notice the things that make him a ‘dude’
If he held a door, tell him you noticed. If he looks like fun because he’s always laughing at his table, tell him you noticed. These are the little things that you know make him ‘one of the good ones’. Yet in the world of superficiality, guys get noticed for appearance just as much as women do. We want to be recognized for being the men our mothers and fathers taught us to be. We want to know that letting you go first or holding the door or positioning ourselves with our back to the door (so we can only focus on you) gets noticed. For you, it shows confidence and an eye for the finer things, be they jackets or acts of kindness.
Deliver a powerful first impression
I don’t mean powerful in the way Olga Tearyourheadov from the Russian Olympic Weightlifting team is powerful, I mean powerful in that he just can’t get you out of his mind. A few things to think about: look him in the eye and smile; Shake his hand…confidently, but not like you want to assert dominance; and importantly, be nice to his friends…even when they’re jerks. Being positive is a most charming and desirable trait, even with a healthy dose of sarcasm attached. Everything has its good and bad sides. Maintain an enlightened outlook and you will get much more in return that you thought.
Ladies. We know it’s hard. We get it. We’ve been doing it for years. Simply taking that first step is going to get you so much farther than you think. If you can storm that beach and get through the initial barrage of confidence shattering self-talk, you will be a better woman for it and meet a better guy because of it. And if you don’t, well at least you can probably get a free ride in his truck.