It’s February, the month of love. Just around the corner is Valentine’s Day, a day reserved for romance and couples. Whether you have someone in your life or not, it’s a great time to reflect on what love and relationships mean to you. With love in the air, I decided to go around Calgary asking people questions and subsequently other Calgarians for answers to their deepest thoughts and questions regarding love and relationships.
What are men really thinking? What are women really thinking? – Arda Parkan, 45, North Haven
Men are really thinking about how they are getting along with their spouses and whether they can maintain that long term relationship. Like my wife and I, 27 years this year.
Well, you’d have to ask a woman. But they’re probably thinking why the hell did I marry him? In all seriousness though, I would think that they are thinking the same thing. – Dana Haywood, 58, Canyon Meadows
When do you introduce a kid into a relationship or when is it appropriate to mention that you have a kid when you’re dating someone? – Guinevere Ashby, 43, Braeside
Is it the actions that spark feelings of love, or just the mere presence of a lover? – Jordan Janovcik, 31, Cochrane
I think that in establishing new love, it’s the actions that have to evoke those initial feelings of attachment. Once two people have established a strong bond and understanding, then I think the presence of a lover can begin to elicit those feelings alone. – Katrina Schillaci, 19, Evergreen
Why is the female mind so irrational? – Chris Wardzinski, 31, Sunnyside
We’re not irrational, we’re just trying to figure you guys out. Oh and while you’re at it, please define irrational because is it rational for guys to sit around all day and watch other guys chase around a pigskin around? – Cindy Tedd, 41, Riverbend
Why is it so difficult to meet people in this city? Why do people ghost each other so much? – Daniela Spago, 34, Mount Royal
First of all, I’m sure many people are asking the same questions all around the world, so I don’t think it’s Calgary specific. But to answer both questions: I believe “comfort” should be blamed for the woes of the dating world. It’s not easy to push oneself to sign up for a singles sports team, attend a speeding dating event, or strike up a conversation with the cutie in front of you in the coffee line. It’s not easy to sacrifice one of the million projects we have on the go to fill out all those online dating profile questions or meet a stranger where there’s no guarantee of a positive experience. It’s definitely not easy to disappoint someone or break their heart, depending on the timeframe. Difficult doesn’t feel good, so in a world where technology continues to make life easier, why would we opt for what’s tough? It’s hard not to be so pessimistic, I just think integrity is harder to come by these days. – Drew Anweiler, 31, Belt Line
What thing did your significant other do on Valentine’s Day that made you smile? – David L, 31, Willow Park
On Valentine Day, 2 years ago, my boyfriend now fiancé gave me concert tickets to go see my favourite band. My favourite band is Nightwish. Even if it wasn’t flowers or overpriced chocolates it made me insanely happy as I prefer to experience things rather than superficial things you don’t really need. – Vicky Dignard, 22, Acadia
In love, should you follow your head or your heart? – Hafsa Gora, 22, Hamptons
In my past relationships, I followed my heart and it got me nowhere, but heartache and pain. I have no regrets though because it taught me a lot. It also taught me to follow my head, which brought me my husband. – Lucy Miguens-Neves, 38, Cranston
What do you and your partner fight about the most? How do you resolve that conflict? – Tam Nguyen, 35, Cougar Ridge
The biggest fighting topic in general is power struggle. Who gets to do what they want inside of a dual interest relationship, where we are both individuals. We both might want to do 10 different things, for instance; I love to play music, but it may interfere with family events or conflicting schedules. I want to do music or play soccer while she may want to do a whole bunch of other things( go to the mall, hang out with her sisters). But we’ve learned to like each other’s interests and involve each other in our activities. With time constraints and life being busy, you can only do so much and we don’t always get what we want, and you can’t always compromise.
We get to choose a few things that matter most as individuals and share some that we both love. Communication is key, letting your partner how you feel, and not letting things just fester if you’re not happy. Some sage timeless pieces of advice; Never go to bed angry with each other, love your partner like you want to be loved, and make time for affection. Through support, counselling, life groups, and continued learning we have learned to have boundaries and have our own time and space, and still make time for each other. We’ve been happily married for three years. – Tyler Barron, 33, Mahogany